5 REASONS TO WATCH THE BRONZE WRITTEN BY A FOUL-MOUTHED FORMER GYMNAST
Since everyone will be pledging Allegiant to the third installment of the Divergent trilogy, it’s safe to say that The Bronze may not be winning any gold medals at the box office this weekend. But after reading tons of terrible reviews (probably from those who have never done a cartwheel or step foot in a gym to work out), we thought it was my acrobatic duty as a former gymnast to provide a different perspective on what makes The Bronze a head-over-heels hilariously funny movie. So here are 5 reasons to salute to the red, white, and Bronze.
Reason 1: Originality
Much like having a gymnastics skill named after you, The Bronze is an original piece of work. When was the last time you watched a movie on the big screen about a foul-mouthed has-been gymnast? It’s like Stick It but for adults. Trust us, the strong R rating is pretty accurate and definitely not suitable for children unless you want to explain what “taint locket” is. Melissa Rauch stars as Hope Ann Gregory, who was once America’s sweetheart has now turned sour post winning bronze at the “world’s most prestigious gymnastics tournament” aka The Olympics. We gathered that they couldn’t actually say Olympics for legal reasons. It’s a refreshing (and rather dark comedic) take on what would have happened to a gymnast once their career is over and they have to deal with life as their endorsement deals dry up.
Reason 2: Magnificent Cameos
Gymnastics fans may flip out knowing that The Bronze had cameos from the oldest and youngest members from the gold-medal winning “Maginificent Seven” team from the 1996 Summer Olympics. The movie also had a cameo from a gymnastics legend, and no, not Nadia Comăneci, someone else BEFORE her.
Reason 3: Keepin’ It Real
As a gymnastics fan and former gymnast, it’s frustrating watching a movie or TV show that shows gymnastics skills that are either too basic or overly exaggerated. It’s always something we would never see in real competitions. However, like Stick It and American Anthem, The Bronze had real gymnastics. I was most impressed that they even had a Podkopayeva vault (see below) in the movie. The Bronze also incorporated the current elite gymnastics D + E scoring system, which is probably still confusing for a lot of people who’s used to the century old 10.0 system (college gymnastics still uses the 10.0 system but that's a different story). What can I say, they’re keepin’ it real, son.
Reason 4: Sebastian Stan
Hit play. You're welcome.
Reason 5: Stick the Landing and then some some
Remember when I said Sebastian Stan was enough of a reason to watch The Bronze? Yeah, I wasn’t joking. The hottie plays Lance Tucker, a former gold and silver medal winning male gymnast who once hooked up with Hope. There’s a scene in the movie where Hope and Lance do more than just stick the landing. If judges were to score the epic sex scene in The Bronze, the only appropriate number that comes to mind is 69. This is the scene everyone has talked about (for those who have seen it) and will talk about (for those who aren't total prudes). Check out the Sebastian Stan's tattoo in the movie. There's a slight glimpse of it in the gif below. Really sums up his character. Oh Bucky.
As mentioned before, this is the movie you watch with your adult friends while your kids are in the other theater watching Allegiant or Zootopia. We recommend going somewhere that'll allow you to drink alcohol, if not, bring a flask. Hope would. Sip that drink and get ready to have your stomach in somersaults from laughter. The Bronze deserves a gold in our opinion.
The Bronze, in theaters TODAY.