THE BOTTOM LINE: DARK SHADOWS

DARK SHADOWS

STARRING:  Johnny Depp, Michelle Pfeiffer, Eva Green, Helena Bonham Carter, Jackie Earle Haley, Jonny Lee Miller, Chloe Grace Moretz, Christopher Lee and Alice Cooper

DIRECTOR:  Tim Burton

GENRE:  Comedy / Horror

SYNOPSIS:  A vampire, cursed by a witch, returns to his ancestral home after being buried alive for two centuries.

RATING:  PG-13

RUNNING TIME:  113 Mins

THE GOOD:  Director Tim Burton and his muse Johnny Depp are the perfect pairing; death becomes them.

 THE BAD:  Be prepared for a blood transfusion, because you will leave the theater feeling anemic.  Yes, this film sucks….  And not in a good way!

Blame it on the script; which has no bite or pulse and is basically DOA.

Add to that the casting of Eva Green (CASINO ROYALE, CRACKS and the Starz’s TV series CAMELOT).  Unfortunately, she has played the same evil character way too many times and this doesn’t help the film from dying a quick death.

Ditto for Chloe Grace Moretz (KICK ASS, LET ME IN and HUGO)… I can’t tell you how bad I wanted to smack the smirk off her little girl face!

THE UGLY:  Cameos by cast members from the original 1967-1971 television series are overshadowed (no pun intended) and upstaged by heavy metal entertainer Alice Cooper. 

And that is really sad because it was our last chance to see Jonathan Frid, the original “Barnabas Collins,” who passed away on Friday, April 13^th, 2012. 

MY SCORE:  ***

(3 OUT OF 5 STARS)