Monday
Jul212014

I'm Baaaaaack....

Hey everyone.  It's been awhile.  It's been a long while, at that.  I will admit that the biggest reason for my absence has been good old fashioned frustration.  I guess I just expected more from Stamos.  I guess I also expected more from me.

The truth is, this exercise in futility has pushed me to new endeavors in my personal life.  As I've said before, I'm not one to pursue a gentleman.  I think it's because my grandmother would not let me call boys when I was younger, and that kind of stuck.  I found it to be ridiculous when I was younger, but when you think about it, it's anti-feminist to put women under such constraints.  We should be able to pursue a man without feeling any shame, as a man does, but growing up in Texas lead me to a different conclusion.

Obviously, this blog isn't like REALLY pursuing a man.  I mean, it's John Stamos, and I'm a nobody, so this feels more like a bit.  But it isn't a bit because it has affected my personal life.

I don't want to make this too long, as it's humbling, but it's worth noting, nonetheless.  Somewhat recently, I formed an innocent crush on a bartender.  (I know)  I thought we were flirting.  My friends thought we were flirting.  I was told by others that he found me to be delightful, pretty, etc, but he never made a move.  I was confused but didn't back down.  Eventually, I decided to lay it all on the line.  I asked what was up?  It felt like we had a back and forth.  Was I imagining it?  If so, I was OK with it, but I was sick of wondering.  He never gave me a straight answer.  He just smiled and said, "We'll hang out."  That's code for, "I'm not into you."  I know, because I've used it myself.  

Normally, I would have been mortified, and I'm not going to lie, to quote my dear friend Amy Witry (comedian extraordinaire) it didn't feel like a hug.  However, after chasing after the illusive JS for 2 years, it really wasn't that big of a deal.  So he doesn't like me.  Who cares?  (Don't cry for me people. I have 3 irons in the fire with other suitors at the moment, so I'm cool.  Not that I need any irons in anything to be cool, but it helps.)

Would I have embarrassed myself with this man who wants nothing to do with me if it hadn't been for this JS experiment?  We'll never know.  What I did discover, however, is that letting your feelings be known to another will not kill you.  Even if there's no reciprocation.

So today, I decided to shit or get off the pot and sent this:

As you can imagine, it's been radio silence, but oh well.  Thank you bartender who wants nothing to do with me.  You got me back on the horse.

Tuesday
Feb252014

The Truth is the Truth

Recently, I have made a depressing discovery.  It seems that I, Shelby Louise Stockton, must acquire a boyfriend.  I don't necessarily want a boyfriend, but all of my friends are hooked up in relationships, and per usual, the cheese stands alone.  

Although I enjoy my alone time, I am a very social creature.  Too much solitude makes me anxious.  I usually have a stacked social calendar, but lately I am finding more often than not, that at the end of the day, I have no plans. A gal can take night time yoga classes for so long.

There are a few reasons why having a BF does not work in my favor.  I don't like checking in with people.  As a Scorpio, it is not natural for me to "share" all aspects of my life, as benign as they may seem, with another person.  It bores me.  I also think that men are a lot of trouble. The return is not worth the investment.  Not only that, but the saddest moments of my life have always been while I was in a relationship and the happiest are when I'm single.  Do you see the conundrum?

But I'm bored, so I may as well get on the relationship train, even if it's for a bit.  One of my friends will surely break-up, and then I'll be back in business.

But something is holding me back, and I haven't been sure what.  Until now.

It's Stamos.  I have this unfinished business, and I feel that my life will remain stagnant until I accomplish this goal.  I don't know how to do it, but it must be done.  We know what doesn't work - love letters, songs, flyers around town, pleading to Ellen Degeneres...  The list goes on and on.  But if I don't reach this goal, there is a good chance that I will die alone in this attic, with a toned yoga body.  I'm reaching for the sleeping pills now.

I encourage any advice or ideas that anyone may have to win Stamo's sympathy.  I'm open to suggestions.  My life kind of depends on it.  No pressure.

Wednesday
Feb052014

V-Day 

So much is happening with JS, I don't even know where to begin. And by saying that so much is happening with JS, I mean so much is happening with HIS career.  He has done absolutey nothing to try to make my wish come true.

All of my leads have not delivered, but as a pessimist, I thought such would be the case.  It's fine.  I mean, if I didn't have this blog, what would I have?  When I reach this goal, I may just roll over and die.

Although this happened last week (week before last, now), I'd love to show you a cute sketch my man did with some of the Full House cast and Jimmy Kimmel.

Let's discuss.

1)  Check out the clothes in the closet.  Do you think Kimmel really wears camoflauge? 
2)  That pencil bed rocks.
3) Jonathan really is cute, and in my humble opnion, a convincing actor with cheesy nostalgic material. 
4)  Those boys sure can harmonize.

And then of course, there was the Dannon Oikos Super Bowl commercial.

I have something to say about this commercial.  First of all, obvioulsy I wish I had not only auditioned for this advertisement but also booked it.  I could use the cash, I would have accomplished my goal, AND I would have kissed my Jonathan.  Whatever.  I'm over it.

Today is Valentine's Day.  I have 3 engagements on my schedule.  That's right.  I'm popular.  So enough of this jibber jabber.  Go out and enjoy the day.  It could be your last.