Glee: Many Lessons, Much Irritation

Glee's Karofsky & Kurt, in happier timesSo, Glee. It was a heavy-handed lot to take in, and I'll admit right away that I got no joy or even tears from it, at all, even during the usual musical interludes. From its stupid racist curry joke to the idiotic "Sue Is Pregnant" plot to using a bunch of tunes that I either don't know or don't care about, I was totally checked out.

If you haven't already heard, Karofsky tried to hang himself because he got bullied one time at his new school, so now he's given Glee its first Suicide Subplot, simplified for mass consumption. God forbid they spend any actual time on Karofsky and his inner monologue or experiences beyond the two minutes prior to the actual suicide attempt, or perhaps instead focus a little on Santana, a major character who was recently forcibly outed and then rejected by her beloved grandma. No, let's let use this Subplot to make Kurt blame himself for ignoring someone who displayed recent stalkerish behavior, who has a history of abuse, who called him so incessantly that if I were Kurt, I'd have been afraid for my safety. Let's just make Kurt feel badly, and have no one pay attention, because Finn and Rachel are getting married! And the God Squad needs something to do, so now they can send an Edible Arrangement to the hospital. I hope Edible Arrangements didn't pay to get that product placement, because if so, I'd want my money back.

Let's also use this plot to set up the next one. That is, the one that I predict will follow Insensitive "Suicide is Selfish" Quinn after she gets t-boned because she was texting and driving in some rural SoCal farmland. When Glee returns from its "winter hiatus," pretty Dianna Agron will have something more to do than the nothing she's been saddled with lately (assuming Quinn isn't dead). Because hey, now Quinn will REALLY have something to cry about, and she'll get to go to "That Place" like Karofsky, and discover that if you end up in an accident and all your dreams are destroyed you might want to off yourself, and maybe she should have had a little more sympathy for the Big K, right? I look forward to finding out which malady they're going to hand out so she can Suffer with a Capital S. Then I might turn the channel.

Also, is it wrong that whenever I hear "I Believe I Can Fly," I also think, "alleged pedophile"? And I can't believe I didn't even bring up the lame fact that evil Lil Sebastian from the Warblers got a personality transplant after the Central Plot of Suicide took place, and also that New Directions won Regionals after Rachel sang "Here's To Us," which inexplicably made her gay dads cry.  

Bitter, party of one, my table is now ready.

I fault none of the actors, in particular Max Adler and Chris Colfer, for doing their best with this Hour Long PSA for Teenage Suicide: Don't Do It, and also Don't Text and Drive or You'll Get It In the End. I am usually first in line to weep profoundly during an Hour Long PSA when I believe in it, but this time it was a no go. I did like the Daniel Radcliffe Trevor Project spot--way to go, Trevor Project!--but the hour around it, not so much.

I can't wait to do my write up of Downton Abbey's finale so I can stop complaining for a few minutes. Sorry, Glee fans. Let me have it in the comments.

Parks And Recreation: Sweet Sixteen

Sometimes you just have to let a dog, be a dog. #ParksAndRecreation.

LOVE this show. Can't wait to see this NEW episode this week!

Downton Abbey: The One with All the Plots

The Spanish Flu pandemic hit Downton in the most recent two hour episode, in which four hundred other things happened. I can't imagine the challenge of doing a full recap in which All The Plots are detailed, so I'll just give you a quick run down. I will undoubtedly miss at least ten things that happened, but here are some tidbits to relive:

    •  Cora getting the flu and almost dying
    •  Carson getting the flu, but not really almost dying
    •  O'Brien ALMOST confessing that she caused Cora's miscarriage last season (wow!!)
    •  Lord Grantham having a mid-life crisis and making a well-received pass at a MAID!
    •  Lord Grantham temporarily disowning his daughter for making a pass at the CHAUFFER!
    •  Lord Grantham potentially realizing he is a hypocrite and giving his blessing to Sybil, and also paying off his maid girlfriend when she leaves Downton
    •  Sybil running off in the middle of the night with her chauffer and getting cockblocked by Lady Mary and Lady "Thank God She Can Drive" Edith
    •  Anna convincing Bates to marry her
    •  Anna and Bates getting married
    •  Anna and Bates getting busy in a fancy Downton bedroom per Mary's direction (Go Mary!)
    •  Anna getting tearful (her lips wobble with sadness perfectly) when Bates gets carted off to the slammer for murdering his Evil Ex
    •  Ethel meeting her baby's Evil grandparents
    •  Ethel deciding that her baby's Evil grandparents can't be the boss of her
    •  Tom trying to make a business out of the blackmarket and getting pwned
    •  Someone bringing a gramophone into the house so Violet can get a few zingers in
    •  Lavinia tripping over a footstool, causing paralyzed Matthew to stand up out of his wheelchair to rescue her
    •  Lavinia getting the flu but recovering
    •  Lavinia spotting Mary and Matthew dancing to one of my favorite songs, "Look for the Silver Lining" while confessing their affection and first-kissing in 360 degrees
    •  Lavinia breaking it off with Matthew so he can get with his True Wuv
    •  Lavinia tragically taking a turn for the worse
    •  Lavinia DYING!, therefore paving the way for Mary and Matthew--
    •  Oh wait, Matthew now has unbearable guilt about Lavinia's death, so the M&M reunion tour is totally not happening.

Considering they worked All The Plots into this episode, they must have run out of steam. There are only two hours left in this amazing season, wrapped up by the famed Christmas episode. There will be nothing more on the roster till season 3 gets underway, with Shirley Maclaine joining up as Cora's mom, mainly to spar with Countess Violet. Can't wait.

In the meantime, if you missed the most recent episode and my giant list of spoilers hasn't put you off, check it out below.

Watch Downton Abbey, Season 2: Ep. 6 on PBS. See more from Masterpiece.

Downton Abbey: Burn This

Downton Abbey: Shit Just Got CrazySo anyone who watches Downton Abbey and hangs out on the internet for more than a few hours a day may know that season 2 has been called out for being totally wacky at a few points. (Since it aired in Britain in 2011, I have really, really resisted specific spoilers, but some things are impossible to avoid.) I've been waiting for the moment that I noticed said wackiness, and that moment arrived last night. After last week's sobfest, in which everyone cried over William's death, Matthew's paralysis, and various other miseries, this week reminded me that this show is, for all intents and purposes, a soap opera. A period drama with an amazing cast, mind you, but at its core, it's an awesome, awesome soap.

The suds arrived in the form of a burn victim, who apparently suffered years of amnesia before waking up a couple of months prior to the end of the war and remembering that he is THE HEIR TO DOWNTON ABBEY, and was once engaged to Lady Mary. This conveniently unrecognizable burn victm Patrick Crawley ingratiates himself to sad, pathetic Edith, who falls for anyone and everyone who looks in her direction, and tries to claw his way into Lord Grantham's good graces. All with a vaguely Canadian accent, developed since he went down on the Titanic and lost his memory.

I'll just say it now: What the what?

Anyway, Patrick doesn't stick around very long, but I'm sure he'll be back before the season is over. Nobody pops up for half an episode, drops a bombshell, vanishes and doesn't return.

The biggest revelation last night, other than the one I had when watching actor interviews after the episode*, was that Vera Bates was murdered. The groundwork for that was laid out mid-episode, when Bates returned from a visit to see his evil ex with a big scratch on his forehead that the whole staff saw. This clearly telegraphed not only that Vera would soon be dead, but that poor Bates will soon be Arrested And Tried For A Murder He Didn't Commit! Or something like that. So, look out for the cops to come knocking on Downton's door next week.

Also, near the end of the show, Matthew felt something "down there," despite his paralysis So, I expect he'll be up and moving around soon enough, which is exciting, because I haven't given up on him and Mary. Lady Mary has really become one of my favorites this season, what with her being all pale and tragic and engaged to a guy who would really screw her over if the spirit moved him. Which it undoubtedly will soon, since there are only a few episodes left in this cursedly short season.

*As I was trolling the WGBH website last night, I found an interview with Siobhan Finneran, who plays Evil Bitch™ O'Brien. And she is, um, way hotter than O'Brien. Lots of the other cast members look different in real life than their characters (see Paper Mag's brilliant rundown) but O'Brien takes the cake.

Watch Downton Abbey: Siobhan Finneran on O'Brien, War and Change on PBS. See more from Masterpiece.