Downton Abbey: Burn This

Downton Abbey: Shit Just Got CrazySo anyone who watches Downton Abbey and hangs out on the internet for more than a few hours a day may know that season 2 has been called out for being totally wacky at a few points. (Since it aired in Britain in 2011, I have really, really resisted specific spoilers, but some things are impossible to avoid.) I've been waiting for the moment that I noticed said wackiness, and that moment arrived last night. After last week's sobfest, in which everyone cried over William's death, Matthew's paralysis, and various other miseries, this week reminded me that this show is, for all intents and purposes, a soap opera. A period drama with an amazing cast, mind you, but at its core, it's an awesome, awesome soap.

The suds arrived in the form of a burn victim, who apparently suffered years of amnesia before waking up a couple of months prior to the end of the war and remembering that he is THE HEIR TO DOWNTON ABBEY, and was once engaged to Lady Mary. This conveniently unrecognizable burn victm Patrick Crawley ingratiates himself to sad, pathetic Edith, who falls for anyone and everyone who looks in her direction, and tries to claw his way into Lord Grantham's good graces. All with a vaguely Canadian accent, developed since he went down on the Titanic and lost his memory.

I'll just say it now: What the what?

Anyway, Patrick doesn't stick around very long, but I'm sure he'll be back before the season is over. Nobody pops up for half an episode, drops a bombshell, vanishes and doesn't return.

The biggest revelation last night, other than the one I had when watching actor interviews after the episode*, was that Vera Bates was murdered. The groundwork for that was laid out mid-episode, when Bates returned from a visit to see his evil ex with a big scratch on his forehead that the whole staff saw. This clearly telegraphed not only that Vera would soon be dead, but that poor Bates will soon be Arrested And Tried For A Murder He Didn't Commit! Or something like that. So, look out for the cops to come knocking on Downton's door next week.

Also, near the end of the show, Matthew felt something "down there," despite his paralysis So, I expect he'll be up and moving around soon enough, which is exciting, because I haven't given up on him and Mary. Lady Mary has really become one of my favorites this season, what with her being all pale and tragic and engaged to a guy who would really screw her over if the spirit moved him. Which it undoubtedly will soon, since there are only a few episodes left in this cursedly short season.

*As I was trolling the WGBH website last night, I found an interview with Siobhan Finneran, who plays Evil Bitch™ O'Brien. And she is, um, way hotter than O'Brien. Lots of the other cast members look different in real life than their characters (see Paper Mag's brilliant rundown) but O'Brien takes the cake.

Watch Downton Abbey: Siobhan Finneran on O'Brien, War and Change on PBS. See more from Masterpiece.